He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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