You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
