I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
