God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize