the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Alive.
So much puke
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
