it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
