Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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