The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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