True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
