Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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