OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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