he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
