Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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