hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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