If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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