And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
