im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
