please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
