the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
