I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
