i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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