cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You can't motorboat a personality
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
