There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
