Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
