My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
