I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize