she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
