I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
