New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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