whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
