Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
