All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize