Do you still have your period?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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