hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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