So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
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