a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
