yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize