Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
