I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
