One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
