that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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