It's Friday. Sex?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
