Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
so much tequila, so little girl.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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