I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
