What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
