"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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