Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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