I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
