its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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