It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
