am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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