I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
