Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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