Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
