She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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