Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
