I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
