she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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