don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
