Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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