and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize