dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize