the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
