I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
