She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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