Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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