I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
