HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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