I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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