I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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