Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
