i think my tv is drunk
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
