Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
