Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize