If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
