She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Congratulations! We have a period
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
