I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
