Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
