Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
