your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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