How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
