I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
