Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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