The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
