I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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