How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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