Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
