You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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