I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
