I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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