He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize