Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
