so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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