I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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