My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
